Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Feeling more "real"

I just wanted to stop by to update you all on what's been going on. Today's post will be less structured...more like a stream-of-consciousness journal entry. :) Actually, I was going to handwrite something like this into my personal journal, but I figured I might as well write it here so that you guys can follow along if you'd like. 

If all goes according to plan, we will be boarding the plane to St. Louis exactly three weeks from today. Every few days, my mom asks me, "Nervous or excited?" ...and every time, my answer is "both!" The prospect of somebody cutting into my spinal cord is pretty terrifying, I'm not gonna lie...but I can hardly imagine what it will be like to be free of spasticity.

At the moment, I'd say my excitement actually outweighs my nervousness. Most people with my degree of CP have had several surgeries to improve their mobility by the time they reach young adulthood. I've had my fair share of surgeries, to be sure, but the only surgery directly related to improving my movement reaches beyond my memory. I was two years old when I got those six scars. 

My life has been changed completely for the better ever since my last surgery (June 2016, in which I had the pins removed from my hip). I am eternally grateful for that, eternally grateful for no more pain in my leg. But in some ways I feel as though it just got me back to baseline...it put me where I would be if I had never broken my femur in December of 2007. 

SDR has the potential to be different. For the first time in my memory, I will get to experience what it might be like to move easier. 

It's crazy to think that the date is coming up so fast. The plane tickets are booked. Hotel booked. And last Saturday, my wheelchair arrived. I tried it out in the kitchen, spinning in circles and laughing, and then I saw my mom standing in the doorway. Her eyes met mine for a moment, and then she turned her face away. 

"It just feels so real now," she said. 

She's right. We're both grappling with that bittersweet feeling...that strange mixture of terror and excitement that comes right before you know your life is about to change. 

I've got a few more events on my calendar to keep me busy before the day comes when we get on that plane...Last weekend, I hung out with some friends that I haven't seen in a while. We talked, cuddled dogs, ate Chinese takeout, and watched a bit of The Great British Baking Show. :) The next few evenings will be spent helping my student(s) cram for final exams. Late tomorrow night, one of my best friends is flying in and we'll get to spend some time together. Then, if the stars align, I might get to see one of my college friends over the weekend...then Father's Day.

After this weekend, I'll probably start laying low...but at least for the next few days, there's plenty going on! 

I've got more to write, so I'll be back soon, but I think I'll end it here for now. :) Until next time! Thanks for reading, as always...you guys are awesome!

8 comments:

  1. It is coming up so fast! I'm excited you got your chair. If you need ANYTHING, we're here <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw!! I love that you guys are so excited about my chair hahaha...I hadn't thought of it with that much excitement as I'm hoping it'll just be something I use in the beginning and outside of the house. But it IS a nice feeling to know that I'll be able to go long distances even in the beginning stages of recovery, if needed! :) And thank you <3

      Delete
  2. Ahhhh, yes! Pack all the socializing in! And yay, I'm so excited you got your chair! Isn't The Great British Baking Show the best?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES it's such a cute show!!! :)))

      Delete
  3. Thanks for another update K! I hope the SDR is everything you want it to be! Glad you get to have fun with friends! I'm here for you too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Margot! I hope it goes well too. Thanks for being here. <3

      Delete
  4. Good luck as the countdown continues!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Glad to know your schedule is pleasantly full between now and surgery-day! Enjoy your freedom, take in the love and care of your friends and family, and let them help you keep the worries away!! :)

    ReplyDelete

Please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to hear from you. Thanks! :-)