Monday, February 23, 2015

Hugs Scare Me

The world can be divided into two kinds of people: people who like hugs and people who don't.

If I hadn't been born with CP, maybe I would have fallen into that first group. But my fear all started years ago, when a single hug scarred me for life.

When I was younger, another girl went to hug me and she leaned into her hug just a little too much...I'm sure you can all see where this is going, but she ended up on top of me.

I cried.

Anyway, ever since then, when I see someone coming at me like this:

I panic a little.

Recently, one of my friends came to my room after a bad day and said, "I just need a hug."

Oh no. I can give advice, or you can sit on my bed and recount your day to me for as long as you need, and I will express sympathy for every little thing that went wrong, or I will pull out a bag of M&Ms and we can stuff our faces together. But hugs? Hugs scare me.

I've never been a graceful hugger. I still GIVE hugs if they're requested, or if another person initiates them, because it's the right thing to do. But I feel like I'm the most awkward hugger in the world, because the entire time I'm thinking to myself, "Please don't fall on me, please don't fall on me, PLEASE DON'T FALL ON ME" and I'm trying not to end up on the floor.

She picked up on my apprehension too, because we then proceeded to laugh at my awkward hugging...and then I explained about the little girl who ended up on top of me many years ago, and we laughed some more.


So if I ever see you in real life and you come at me for a hug and notice that an expression of vague panic crosses my face, I want you to know that it's not you....it's your hugs. Some people are afraid of heights, some people are afraid of spiders...and I'm afraid of hugs.

6 comments:

  1. Phobias are phobias, you being afraid of hugs is no different than a person afraid of heights. Except you KNOW you could be hurt but the person on the roof doesn't know he might not fall. I think you handled this admirably. You comforted your friend, as you could, and explained while you were apprehensive about physically hugging you gave her what she needed most: A friend.

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    1. Aww, thanks Kerri! xo Your encouragement means so much to me. I miss you and need to catch up on your posts soon!!

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  2. I relate so much to this. While not exactly my experience, I'm super cautious about receiving hugs if I am standing up. It's much more comfortable when I'm in my chair (plus, then I can hug the person back.)

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    1. Ahh I love hearing that I'm not the only one!! I feel the same way, Tonia -- I don't mind hugs at all if I'm sitting down.

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  3. I have "Parks and Recreation" on my mind so your post made me think of Ron Swanson and his visible aversion to hugs.

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    1. HA I had no idea this was a common aversion! I've heard so many people rave about that show...I'll have to check it out so I can see what you mean. :)

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