Monday, January 12, 2015


Once, when I was little and my mom was worrying over me, I said to her, "Don't worry, Mom. I'm not going to die until I'm twenty-three." The younger version of me thought this would be reassuring...twenty-three seemed so distant at the time, light-years away, so old! But my mom ducked out of the room and didn't come back for a very long time. And then when she did come back, she just stood there and watched me in silence, taking in every inch of me with her eyes.

In just a little over a week I'm going to be twenty-one years old, and goodness, I hope that younger version of me was wrong because I'm not nearly done with everything I want to do in this world! In some ways I feel like I can't possibly be twenty-one years old...when I close my eyes, sometimes I'm still that six-year-old girl with a red-checkered dress, perched on my dad's shoulders, exhilarated at being up so high and wondering if this is how it feels to be a grown-up.

And then in other ways, I feel so much older than twenty-one. I was conversing with my mom the other day and she paused suddenly, kind of looked at me funny, and then said, "Sometimes I have to remind myself that you're my daughter, not my sister."

Our cake :)
I don't know if my CP is part of it or if it's just how I would have been no matter what my circumstances were, but I've always connected more to people older than me. When I was little, I'd go over friends' houses for playdates and we'd play dolls and traipse through the house in princess dresses and plastic pearls and boas, and it was great fun-- but after a few hours, I'd make my way over the adults and join their conversation.

Last night, we had our birthday celebration, because we'll all be back at college on the day of our actual birthday...we went out to dinner and then my parents arranged twenty-one candles on our cake (chocolate cake, coffee frosting, and toffee candy spread throughout! amazing.). They proceeded to debate the order in which to sing Happy Birthday (only in my family!), and they settled on birth-order. So they lit the candles three times--first for my oldest brother, then for my second oldest, and then for me. I would tell you what I wished for, but then it might not come true! ;)

I have to tutor soon, so I'm going to end this post here for now, but it's been a wonderfully restful break so far. Besides tutoring, I've been doing a ton of reading (anyone read The Help? I'm almost done with it and I can't believe I haven't gotten around to reading it until now! I'm also reading Into Thin Air about a guy who climbed Mt. Everest and a biography on Helen Keller), some Netflixing (yes, I just made that into a verb! I've been watching House and Breaking Bad), and lots of catching up with friends!  

That's it for now! xo