Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Guidance in the Darkness

There is one moment from this past weekend that has refused to leave me. 

At around 8 p.m. on Sunday night, we decided to have a bonfire on the beach. My brothers, a couple of their college friends, a few of my cousins, and I sat in a circle and watched the flames dance and throw their sparks. Our voices mingled with the sound of the waves and the night seemed to draw on forever. 

And then it started to rain. Just a sprinkling at first, and then harder and faster. The flames were extinguished and we were left in pitch blackness, laughing as we fumbled for the stairs in the dark. 

My cousins and my brother's friends sprinted up the winding, rickety wooden staircase that leads from the beach to my uncle's house. I began my ascent alone, feeling for the steps in the darkness, praying that I wouldn't fall.

That's when I felt a hand close around my wrist.  
"You didn't honestly think we'd leave you here, did you?" 

I turned toward the sound of my brother's voice and saw his outline standing beside me.

"Thank you," I said. 

"Not a problem," came another voice. A few steps ahead of me, there was the click of a flashlight, and my other brother stood illuminated. 

I stood in shock for a moment—this brother has Aspergers, and he doesn't always pick up on cues—but really, I shouldn't have been surprised. When it comes to my CP, he seems to understand intuitively when I need help. 

The three of us ascended the stairs together, with one of my brothers at my side, holding my wrist to keep me from falling and the other in front of me, shining his flashlight on each of the steps.

Moments like these show me that I am not alone, that sometimes—even when I'm not expecting it—there will be someone at my side to keep me from falling and someone to light my way in the darkness.


  1. I adore your brothers. I love how one said You didn't think we'd leave you. That I know you sometimes feel they do but not when you show them what you need. That your other brother got it, just when you think he might not always. I hope you hold this moment close to your heart this semester and try to remember you are not a burden but a part of a circle. That although your CP makes you different it doesn't make you less. That them stopping and helping was out of love not duty.

    You really are not alone, but you should expect company on your journey more often :)

    And that brothers can be completely aggravating but fun at the same time!

  2. You have good brothers :) I'm glad they were there for you, and I strongly suspect that there are times in life when you provide them with support/guidance/input that does them every bit as much good as the flashlight and the hand up those steps :)

  3. beautiful. I just ADORE your words, & your brother!!

  4. Aww, I just saw this! You have wonderful brothers! :-)

  5. Beautify story. It made me think of my brother and the many times he helped me out, unexpectedly, quietly, and without question.

  6. I need to catch up on a whole lot of missed blog posts after my crazy summer but LOVE this post! xo

  7. I am going backward through your blog because I am so far behind. This one brought me to tears. This is the bond I just wrote about on my blog doublethelove16 that I feel that my boys have. It isn't as clear yet because they are 4, but you all are in your 20's now and no matter what, they are there for you. Ugh, it just warms my heart to read little moments like this that mean the world to you. Thank you for sharing. Can't wait to get caught up. :)

  8. Oh my gosh. This. I am so glad you wrote this down, because moments like this are priceless. <3

  9. Oh my gosh. This. I am so glad you wrote this down, because moments like this are priceless. <3

  10. So beautiful! I want to read alllll the stories about you and your brothers! My sis and I know all about how great a bond that is! <3


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