Thank you so much for all of your support and for your encouraging comments. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that so many people care about me, and I wish there was some better way to convey my gratitude because words seem so inadequate right now. And to those of you who reached out to me through email when I was desperate and trying not to cry and feeling hopelessly, hopelessly lost? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I went to the health center again today and the nurse practitioner thinks that yesterday's episode might have something to do with the fact that I didn't take my steroids last night (completely slipped my mind!). So I got more steroids to take, and tomorrow I'm going back for two more inhalers.
I hate taking all this medicine because it makes me jittery but I guess it's worth it because breathing is nice. The stress of exams probably isn't helping either, but the underlying cause is definitely not psychological because otherwise the albuterol inhaler and steroids would make my symptoms way worse, rather than relieving them.
I'm going to try to stay on top of the steroids and inhaler stuff and I hope this all goes away soon because I just feel like I can't deal with it right now. I'm still terrified that it's going to happen again, and what if I'm alone this time? What if it happens when I don't have a friend nearby to call campus safety, and I can't use my hands to use my inhaler?
I have three exams and a paper that need to be done by Tuesday, I am ridiculously sleep-deprived by all of the medicine (averaging maybe four hours of sleep?), and to top it all off, there's ice and snow everywhere, so walking around campus is like traversing an obstacle course...I was really looking forward to this time of year but it's been a nightmare so far. I was told that I can get an extension on my exams if needed, as many of you suggested in the comments...I can't even think about that right now, though.
I hate all of this drama. I hate that an ambulance had to come last night. I hate that I had to sit in the middle of the hallway trying to get air in my lungs with an oxygen mask on my face and everyone staring. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning to find that these past three weeks have all been a dream.
On the bright side, thanks to the steroids I feel fine right now. Fingers crossed that it sticks and that I can avoid gasping for air in the hallway surrounded by paramedics tonight...
And I called my mom. I told her everything. She's scared. But I feel like I can breathe easier (no pun intended) knowing that she knows. And her support is amazing, too. I want to see if I can stay here for a little longer, but just knowing that she would come and pick me up in heartbeat if I needed her to is comforting.
And thank you guys again for everything. Your comments and encouragement mean the world to me. xoxoxo