I'm a planner. I've always been a planner. I like to know what I'm fighting for, what I'm working towards. I don't like unknowns.
And I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
I'm intending to major in Behavioral Neuroscience (undeclared at the moment), and eventually I would love to do something related to healthcare, especially if this something involves people with special needs.
Last summer I shadowed a pediatric occupational therapist, and I am seriously considering this as a potential career...it bridges my passion for people with special needs, my fascination with physiology, and my desire to have a positive impact on the world.
But then the doubt creeps in...what if I can't handle the physical aspects of OT, like standing for prolonged periods of time? Or, worse, what if people judge me by my gait, and assume that I am not capable of performing my job?
I'm trying to make sense of my feelings....on one hand, I feel doubtful and afraid and lost. On the other hand, I know that I can transcend my CP. I know that no matter what I decide to pursue, the insight that my disability has brought me will be with me always. No one can take that away from me.
And if you're reading this and thinking, "What a mess of a post!," I know. It's Friday night and it has been a long, long week. I'm not even trying to make this into something coherent; I'll probably read it tomorrow morning and wonder if someone spiked the water in the dining hall! ;-) (Sorry in advance for any typos!)
But I needed to write something. I needed to untangle some of the thoughts that have been turning in my mind. And after last week's post, I felt like I owed you guys a little something more. I'm okay. I'm more than okay. College is exhausting and demanding and stressful, but it's also filled with ice cream sundaes and weekend movie nights and friends who slip hilarious notes under the door.
So that's about it for now. There are so many unknowns in my life right now and that scares me but there's also something inherently awesome about having choices. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but I'm going to try to push aside self-doubt and enjoy the journey as much as I can.