Thursday, May 16, 2013

What I Learned in College

FINAL EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to say that.

To kick off my summer break, I thought I'd share a little bit of what I've learned in college...

  1. In some buildings, for reasons I'll never fully understand, the second floor is referred to as the third floor. I'm directionally challenged to begin with, and this just blows my mind.
  2. Don't put a DVD into an upside-down DVD might get stuck inside the DVD player. Literally.
  3. Pull the shades down in your room, especially when you find out that people can see directly inside of it from the entrance of the dining hall. Awkward...
  4. If they don't have jam bars in heaven, I'm not going.
  5. Boursin cheese is excellent by itself, but Boursin mashed potatoes are a sorry excuse for mashed potatoes.
  6. The dining hall staff members are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. It still irks me that some people look down on them because they have special needs. (See my rant about that here)
  7. You know it's time to go to bed when you attempt to put a fork in your backpack, and then you lie down and vaguely wonder what's missing. Only after 5 minutes of lying there do you realize that you don't have your pillow.
  8. Don't drink coffee before going to's going to be a LONG night. (WHY did I think that was a good idea???)
  9. The walls in my dorm room are uncomfortably thin. I know waaaaay too much about my neighbors' personal lives...
  10. It may be tempting, but don't consume an entire bag of popcorn in 20 minutes. You will, I repeat, YOU WILL regret it later.    
  11. You will wonder how you got through your life before you met certain amazing people, friends for a lifetime. (: 
  12. Clean your room, because you never know when the president of the college is going to be touring the building and decide that he wants to peek inside. (For the record, I had JUST cleaned it. It was kind of an awesome moment in my life.)
  13. The desk chairs were engineered specifically to rock back just far enough to give you sixteen mini heart-attacks. Then there was that awkward moment when I actually leaned back so far that the chair toppled over and I ended up on the floor. I was laughing so hard that it took me a few minutes to get up.
  14.  It may take you 283 attempts to open your mailbox for the first time. During this time, you may be questioning your own intelligence and wondering how you got admitted to college in the first place. 
  15. When it's french fry night in your dining hall, just accept early on that you're only getting french fries for dinner and it will save you a lot of guilt. Potatoes are a vegetable, right?
  16. It IS possible to get lost in your own dorm. Or maybe it's just possible if you're me.
  17. When you're taking a shower, never take the light for granted. You never know when someone's going to turn it off. (Estimated number of showers I've taken in the dark this year: 10)
  18.  When you forget someone's name and they give you their phone number, ask them how to spell their name and hope to God that their name isn't something simple like "John" or "Jane."
  19. The one time you forget rain boots, it will inevitably begin to torrential downpour. On the other hand, when you go out of your way to wear a raincoat, it will be barely sprinkling.
  20. When you come to a curb that's too high for you to step down, it's totally okay to get down on all fours and climb down, as long as you do it with a smile....a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! ;-)
  21. No matter how badly you want to get work done with a friend over coffee, it's not going to happen. 
  22.  When you have a lot of work to do, suddenly ordinary things that you've never thought about before, such as the ceiling and the light-switch, become incredibly fascinating!
  23. It is, in fact, possible to have too many cupcakes. Shocker, I know.
  24. If you want to get rid of extra cupcakes (first world problem; clearly my life is SO difficult), tape a sign to them that says, "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY. FREE CUPCAKES. TAKE ONE!" Leave them in the entrance of your dorm and they will be gone within seconds. 
  25. "Accordingly, the narrative of happiness might be thought to exemplify the unhappiness of narrative in general." (For the record, that's when I decided to take a break from reading.)
  26. Every now and then, you'll have a day where you wake up, find out that all your classes are cancelled, and then come across free ice cream. :-)
  27. One of the closet doors in the dining hall is a "TRIPPING HAZARD," according to the sign. I have yet to determine why. However, it is slightly possible that that sign was placed there specifically for my benefit, as I have the uncanny ability to make anything into a tripping hazard.
  28. When you have a dream that your dorm room has turned into Antarctica overnight, perhaps it's time to turn up the heat a little bit.
  29. The third floor of the library is a terrifying place. How exactly do the librarians expect me to find my way out if they don't allow me to use my phone as a GPS?
  30. Sometimes a conversation will continue until 5 in the morning before you realize how much time has passed. (:
  31. When one of your third graders (from a community service tutoring program) writes "stoner" instead of "store" on his spelling test, it's really, really hard to keep a straight face. (Okay...sometimes I have moments of astonishing immaturity.)    
  32. Don't let a particular third grader go to the bathroom by himself; I was about to let him go when one of his classmates leaned over and whispered, totally seriously, "Don't let him go! The last time our teacher let him, we found him hanging from the paper towel rack, and she had to get him down." So many questions... 
  33. Sometimes the tiniest acts of kindness will make your heart I was leaving my third graders one day, they all crowded around me to give me a hug, begging me to stay. Then, one soft-spoken little boy tapped me on the shoulder, held out his hand, and gave me a little glass ladybug. 
  34. There's a random square of wall space near the staircase in my dorm labeled "AREA OF REFUGE" with a handicapped symbol. Refuge from what, exactly? Is there something I should know? And how exactly would this little bit of wall space be helpful?
  35. YouTube is a very, very bad idea if you're trying to be productive. Case in point: I was supposed to be doing some reading for one of my classes. An hour and a half later, the book laid unopened on my desk. Meanwhile, I was watching a video entitled, "Should You Eat Yourself?"
  36. You know things are bad when you show your mom your to-do list and she tells you to give up, get no sleep, or do a sloppy job.
  37. One of the best things about college is that you can have an entire jar of Nutella all to yourself, and no one cares if you double dip.
  38. According to my roommate contract, my August 2012 self indicated that I would go to bed at 11 pm and wake up around 8 am. HAHAHA. Not exactly
Clearly, college was a very educational experience for me, but it's so wonderful to be home! I'll leave you with this...

My dog's plans for the summer. She's a bit of a couch potato. My mom got her addicted to TV while I was gone at college...


  1. Congrats on being done for the summer! Enjoy!

  2. The area of refuge is actually for wheelchair users or other people with disabilities who would have trouble evacuating the building in case of an emergency (fire, etc.). The safest place for people who can't climb stairs in the event of a fire is that area near the staircase- they're supposed to wait there for firefighters to rescue them, and rescue personnel are trained to look for people in those areas. Just another random tidbit to enrich your day!

  3. HA, Kerry! Laughed the whole way through this. Brilliantly funny list. My favorites...(hm - that's hard but here goes)...
    Number 14 because it took me three days to gather the courage to ask for help opening my college mailbox,
    Number 38 - HA. Hahahahahahaha. Silly August 2012 you.
    Number 17 - I went to a women's college and when people had boyfriends spend the night they had to put signs everywhere saying like "man in shower" and stuff. For some reason people turning the light off on you reminded me of this.
    Number 33 because AWWWW!
    Number 3 because creepy.

    Congratulations on finishing your finals! Yay for summertime. I hope it's amazingly wonderful for you.

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  5. if #35 was made by VSauce, then it's educational and you absolutely *should* be watching it, because, hey - college is about learning. You should probably watch every other VSauce video, too, just to make sure...

    Sorry for the deleted comment there - I wanted to know what the area of refuge was about, *then* read your other comments. Thanks froggy14

  6. Hahaha! I adored this post! Actually made me nostalgic for college! Which is quite a feat! :)


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