Friday, April 5, 2013

Three Minutes

Math never was my strongest subject, but every now and then, I can't help but let the numbers fill my mind.  

Three minutes. It only takes three minutes of oxygen deprivation for the human brain to sustain permanent damage. I let this number turn in my head, and I know it's no use wondering, but I can't help it. How long did I go without oxygen? Where would I be if I had been cut off for another minute? Where would I be if oxygen had been restored a minute sooner?

Three minutes. It only takes three minutes for your life to change forever. All the tears, the hardship, the stiffness, the pain, maybe because of a mere three minutes. It all seems so ridiculous.

I think of all the moments in life when I squandered my time. Three minutes became ten, ten became thirty, thirty became sixty, all without a second thought. And yet, in as little as three minutes, so much was taken from me, and so much was given to me.

What was God doing in those three minutes? Was He watching me, timing it perfectly according to His plan? Was this something I agreed to, a predetermined part of my life? Or was God willing the doctors to work as fast as they could, was He saying, "No, no, this wasn't part of my plan for her. This wasn't meant to be."

I stare at the pages of my prayer book, and tears fill my eyes. I'm no more than eight years old, struggling to understand why God did this to me. I get through the first pages easily. "God, thank you for giving me food to eat so I am not hungry," one of the pages says, and I am truly grateful. Then I get to the page that trips me up every time. There is an illustration of a girl smiling and wearing rollerskates. I will never rollerskate. The accompanying prayer is something like, "God, thank you for giving me two strong legs so I can run and jump."

I can't run. I can't jump.

And then a knowing, a comfort, takes over my thoughts and fills my being. "You can reach people in ways that others can't. You can help them understand, accept, and embrace differences." And then I know that it was all meant to be; those three minutes were no mistake. By taking grace from my legs, God gave me grace in spirit.

8 comments:

  1. Kerri, your writing is truly perfect xx I have those thoughts alot about less or more time and for Coop he would not be here had he had more, and this really helps me think about supporting Cooper when he asks for more details.

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  2. I love your blog. We need to be friends. I need to meet you! Seriously. You could be writing from inside my head. I got shivers reading this!! Please write more, it's beautiful! I can so relate!!

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  3. Kerri, this is so beautifully written! Thank you for sharing your story with us!
    Jenn
    Crazy Speech World

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  4. I wish we could roll back the clock and add more minutes for you! I wish we could give more of ourselves and take less of others because that is what you do everytime you share more of your invincible spirit with us on your blog!!! Thank you for being you K!!!!

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  5. You take 3minutes to open the world's eyes that CP does not define you but transcends you!

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  6. This was beautiful. Way to reframe 3 minutes. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Very poignant, especially considering what we recently discussed.

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