Friday, March 15, 2013

In this life . . .

Do you ever wonder what could have been? 

Sometimes I imagine a life without cerebral palsy . . .
In this life, I am running alongside my brothers; we are laughing as we chase each other.
In this life, I am pulling on cleats before heading out on the soccer field; I am hitting a home-run in baseball.
In this life, I am keeping up with my friends as we stroll down the hallway.
In this life, I am participating in gym class instead of sitting on the sidelines and witnessing a daily reminder of what I am not able - not allowed - to do.
In this life, I never have to worry about getting knocked over in a crowd.
In this life, I never give curbs a second thought.
In this life, there are no physical therapy appointments, no crutches, no orthotics, no doctors' appointments, no surgeries.
In this life, there are no muscle cramps, no stiffness, no stretches.
In this life, I can walk in a straight line without stumbling.
In this life, I have no idea what my 'adductors' are. 
In this life, there is no step in the corner of my bedroom so that I can practice stepping up and down without holding on.
In this life, I never have to think about how to move my legs and wiggle my toes.



Yet...
In this life, I believe the doctors when they tell me that I won't ever walk again.
In this life, I don't understand that perseverance is more powerful than any diagnosis.
In this life, I don't understand that everyone, regardless of disabilities, is capable of greatness.
In this life, I take my body's gracefulness for granted, never stopping to appreciate the intricate movements of my fingers, the gentle ease of my breath.
In this life, I don't know what it is like to prove a doctor wrong with every step that I take.
In this life, I fail to realize that it doesn't matter how many times we fall, as long as we always get up again.

And that's when I stop imagining this life that could have been because I know that my life - cerebral palsy and all - is perfect, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

7 comments:

  1. Your writing brings me to tears every single time. I am so proud to know you online xxxx

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  2. You are so wise beyond your years (not sure how many times I'm going to tell you that, but I think it every time I read your words!!). You are such an inspiration to both me, and A&N, and I will be beyond proud if they grow up with a fraction of the grace and insight that you have. xo

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  3. Wow, you gave me goosebumps with this post. And a little bit of tears, too, because it is so very powerful. I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are an amazing writer. And you're so right that everyone is capable of greatness. Bravo.

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  4. This was so well written! I just wanted to let you know I linked this post in a post I wrote about the faces of our special needs community. Thanks so much for sharing!

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  5. You are teaching me - I had to look up 'adductors'. And you are making me count my blessings, which (if you had the first life you described) you would not have inspired me to do at this time. Selfishly, I also think your life is perfect as it is.

    All things can be used for good.

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  6. It can be tough to balance the what ifs with our reality. We don't honestly KNOW what our passions would be, had we been born nondisabled. So, I guess it's easy to think wistfully about things that are not. But what if our lives would be largely the same (with regard to interests) either way. What if we would have LOVED books, and movies, and been no good at sports, either way? Would that make a difference?

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