Sometimes in my dreams, I am running. I can feel the wind beneath my feet, and I am in awe of my body as each step propels me forward with ease and grace. It is breathtaking, freeing, exhilarating.
And then I awaken, and I am faced with the reality of a body that can't run, legs that seize up whenever I try to move quickly. I am faced with the reality that I probably never will run. I will never know exactly what it feels like. And that hurts.
I remember when I was three years old, and I asked my physical therapist why I had to do exercises.
"Because you can't run," she said, and I was crushed.
I listen to my brother complain about cross-country practice."You wouldn't understand," he says, and then he sees my face.
No, I don't understand. But I wish I did.
If I didn't have CP, I would run until my legs gave out on me, run for the sake of running. Because I could.
Yet at the same time, I know that I do run. Not in the physical sense of the word, but through my writing. When I write, I feel that same exhilaration and freedom that I experience in my dreams. And I guess that is what having CP is all about: discovering new ways to accomplish the impossible.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Writing does the same for me - makes me feel free. I don't have CP, but I do have a special needs child. What you write, is exactly what I want to instill in my son - we all achieve our dreams in different ways. Thank you for sharing. PS - do you know this quote? "writing is an exploration. you start from nothing and learn as you go" E.L. Doctorow
ReplyDeleteI've recently gotten into running and i'm finding it difficult, but when my legs want to quit I think of my son and others with CP who don't have the opportunity. I think of how hard he works during therapy to learn to do things that come so naturally to others. I know that therapy is what's best for him, despite it being hard, so I keep that in mind when I run because taking care of oneself is hard, yet so important.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is beautiful and gives me hope for my daughter who has CP. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today and can't wait to read more about your story! Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration!
ReplyDeletePerfectly expressed xx you are amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this beautiful post!! I love hearing your heart on everything, from being a triplet to having CP. I loved what you said about writing giving you the same freedom as running. Your writing also blesses everyone who reads it!!
ReplyDeleteI am amazed. First with your candor and second your dreams. The bright side is you won't get shin splints. I love how you transcend CO and don't let it define you. Keep ruining with your blog. You are doing awesome
ReplyDeleteYou write beautifully! Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts, it takes courage and I admire your strength in doing so. I run with my daughter, Ari. She is 12 years old and has CP. She is physically unable to run like yourself but I push her in an adaptive race chair. Please feel free to cotact me if you would like information regarding running. You can go to our FB page; Team Ari, and private message me there. Keep up the great work on your blog as well. You are a very talented writer.
ReplyDeleteYou DO run through your writing. It's creative, inspiring and heartfelt. I love your blog.
ReplyDeleteYOU are an inspiration! Thank you for your sweet words on my blog this morning (Ok...I tried to publish and think I hit delete by accident, but I read them and loved them!!)! I love reading your heart and getting to know you here! Keep writing!!
ReplyDeleteThank you to each and every one of you for your comments! They mean so much to me!
ReplyDeleteI used to be able to run a little. I don't know about you, K, but my condition started deteriorating in my twenties. I ran very strangely as a child, but once or twice my legs suddenly loosened and I ran like the wind for a few seconds and it was like flying. Here's to running in our dreams.
ReplyDeleteInspiring. You are certainly spreading compassion and understanding.
ReplyDelete